I had stowed two Wii fit balance boards that didn’t sell in the trunk, hoping the local bookstore might be able to buy them back. There they had remained for weeks.
This particular evening I was parenting solo because my husband was working. We were headed home from visiting grandparents, all five kids buckled in the van. Normally, the car is a solace for my frayed emotions because glory, hallelujah the kids can’t move! But as the kids have gotten older and bigger, the car has become less of a retreat and more of a war zone.
I was doing pretty good, holding steady at “calm mommy” status when the inevitable fighting erupted from the backseat. How many times do we have to tell our son? YOU DON'T HIT GIRLS!!!
Now granted, our dreamboat of a daughter, our blonde-haired, blue-eyed angel, can be quite the instigator, but YOU DON'T HIT GIRLS!! Who are these entitled, contentious children in the backseat of my air-conditioned swagger wagon?
Before I knew it my shouts were rivaling theirs. Apparently, I think if I just out-yell them they will act like they have some sense. Instead, I’m the one who ends up having an adult-sized temper-tantrum.
Following these episodes are usually predictable cycles of guilt and shame. I feel like a failure and am sure I am ruining my kids for life. This is where the enemy slithers in with his familiar lies and plants seeds of doubt.
Don’t believe all that feel-good stuff in the Bible about God having a plan for your life and wanting to use you for His glory. You are too messed up for any of that.
The question is warranted: Does yelling at your kids disqualify you from being used by God? Of course, we know the Sunday School answer to the question, but let’s turn to the Bible, specifically the Hall of Faith in Hebrews 11, and let God’s word sink into our souls. Maybe there is hope for us yet.
Noah got drunk and behaved indecently (Genesis 9:21). This did not disqualify him from being listed in the Hall of Faith (Hebrews 11:7). Abraham slept with his maidservant when God’s promise was not fulfilled according to his timetable (Genesis 16:4). He, too, was not disqualified (Hebrews 11:8-10). Sarah concocted the aforementioned scheme after laughing at what God had promised her (Genesis 16:1-4, 18:11-12). Not disqualified (Hebrews 11:11). Moses complained about his limitations and made amendments to God’s instructions to him (Exodus 3:11, 4:10, 13). Again, not disqualified (Hebrews 11:24-29). Lest we think things changed in the New Testament, Peter denied Christ three times (John 18:15-18, 25-27) and was still commissioned by Jesus to feed His sheep (John 21:15-17). Paul and Barnabas contended with one another so fiercely they had to part ways (Acts 15:36-41). Both continued effectively in ministry. None of these men or women were disqualified from being used by God.
Dare we hope the same could be true for us? Mommy yells at her kids in the heat of the moment. Not disqualified!
My failures in motherhood, in marriage, in life, do not disqualify me from being used by God. What catapulted these flawed people in the Bible to legendary faith status anyway? It certainly wasn’t their perfect track records because they didn’t exist. They simply continued in the faith. They could have thrown in the towel in the face of their failures, but instead they threw themselves headlong into the only thing worthy of their faith: God Himself. They decided they would continue as they began, trusting God’s promises and not their works. This is the secret to freedom and effectiveness in the Christian life. It is His spotless life, not mine, that qualifies me to partake of the divine nature.
When I am discouraged, I can still be used by God to encourage a neighbor who knocks on my door. In the midst of my own problems, I can still facilitate a women’s bible study. After saying words I wish I hadn’t said, I can get my eleven year-old out of bed, apologize, and invite him to share a piece of cake with me. When tensions are running high, I can grab my husband in the kitchen and kiss him in front of the kids. I can always turn the tide towards Christ. These are the divine appointments I was made for.
After yelling at my kids in the van we went to the bookstore rather than head home in a huff. None of us deserved a spontaneous outing, but God urged me to turn the tide.
As we pulled into the parking lot I called my kids to attention.
"Kids, listen up. The Bible says that God loved us while we were yet sinners. He didn't wait until we were acting grateful to send His Son to die for us, He did it while we were still hating Him. Our behavior in this car--mommy's included--proves we don't deserve God's gift of salvation. In order to help you see how God has treated us, I want to give you a gift, too. Not because you deserve it, but because I love you."
Then I added, "We'll be able to get out of the car as soon as each of you does the next right thing."
Thank God the situation afforded me some leverage. Eventually five little voices piped up, each admitting their wrong, and apologies were handed out all around. My mommy heart was satisfied.
I would love for that to be the end of the story. But as is true in my own life, repentance can be a fickle, squirrelly thing reminding me of the dailiness—the hourliness—of walking with God.
The harmony in our car lasted all of 2.2 seconds. The moments following went something like this...
My toddler went into freakout mode because I unbuckled her car seat and she wanted to do it. The older ones elbowed their way out of the car evoking sullen glares from their fellow precious gifts of God. Then the two youngest bantered about who would push the stroller. When we had hauled two wii fit balance boards and five hungry kids across the parking lot in steamy ninety-something weather and banged our way through the door we learned they don't buy back wii fit balance boards.
This and a thousand other scenarios like it, are the battles of motherhood, the constant attacks that attempt to dam up the evidence of God's redemptive work in our lives. They are the tiny cuts that try to painstakingly kill my faith and replace it with cynicism.
God is with you in the midst of your days, no matter how irritating and inconsequential they may seem. When you see your kids struggle with sin, remember your own battle. Remember that you are just like them. God continues to seek you each day with gentle, lovingkindness you don’t deserve because He wants to be with you. Guilt and shame are not the end of your story. Dare to be used by God and don’t be afraid of needing God’s forgiveness.
This world doesn’t need perfect Christians, it needs a perfect Christ. Let your flaws remind you that you need Jesus. Turn again and again to Christ, stand forgiven, and live free. This world is waiting to meet Christians who are free.
“Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient.
We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures.
Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other.
But—when God our Savior revealed his kindness and love,
he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done,
but because of his mercy.”
Titus 3:3-5 (NLT)
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