Raising kids is unnerving, isn’t it? Even after a bagillion books read and seminars attended my kids still have a way of bringing me to the end of myself.
Then there are the times that I feel like I’m doing an okay job teaching my kids this or that. I may even think that my words are actually sinking in. It is usually right around this time that "out of the blue" they will do something that totally catches me off guard. Some embarrassing thing that knocks me right off the pedestal I was unknowingly putting myself on. I mean of all the nerve for my kids to actually behave like kids instead of perfect little angels! Don't they know they are making me look bad?
Shock and denial pulsed through my body. Surely they didn't just do what I thought they did. I mean I was standing right there. But then it dawned on me that yes, my kids did in fact treat another person unkindly. Once the reality sunk in I was livid.
When I was teaching fourth grade, I remember calling many an impromptu class meeting because of some cruelty that would come to my attention. Johnny left Bobby out of the Star Wars club or Suzy said Marsha was fat. Not in my classroom I had told myself. But despite my best efforts it happened. In my classroom. I can't remember exactly what I made my students do as penance for their wrongs, but I made my children go apologize to the boy they had laughed at. They were mortified to walk back into the club and own up to their wrong. Even after watching them complete this humiliating act I was still seething and proceeded to ream them all the way home.
I hope some of it sunk in. I mean my word. It’s not like my home schooled kids are the “cool kids” anywhere they go. Most of the time no one knows them and they don’t know anyone. Where on earth did they find the confidence and audacity to actually make fun of another kid? And to make matters worse it was right in front of the desk worker who works with my husband. Just great.
After the reaming and awkward silence in the car the tension was as thick as mud. If you don't know it already, pride is a beast. A mean, nasty, ugly beast that will make the sweetest little lady you ever met turn into a monster. It makes mommy's all across America (including this one) turn into the ugliest sights anyone ever did see.
By the time we got home my emotions had settled down slightly and I was able to think a bit more clearly. It wasn't long before guilt and shame at my own actions settled in. It wasn't the false kind of guilt, it was the real deal and it was good. It was calling me to humble myself and reconcile with my kiddos. We ended up having a wonderful talk on grace and the gospel and how much Christ forgives and loves each of us. How their is no favoritism or “cool kids” at the foot of the cross—just sinners, all of us including mommy, in need of His grace.
But before I got to that wonderful moment I lost it. Yet again, mommy did not have the self-control to handle my children's mistakes without giving way to my emotions. I ended up being the one who needed to apologize to my kids who I had just made apologize!
How quickly I forget that God came to seek and save the lost. God didn't come to call the righteous to repentance, He came to call sinners. Sinners like my children and me. Sinners like your spouse and your coworker. Sinners like your family members and friends. Even the worst sinner you could imagine. Jesus came to this earth to die for them. If that is offensive to you than maybe you don't understand grace.
Grace is freely getting what you don't deserve.
We deserve hell. None of us deserves to be saved. Lucky for us though, God is an expert in grace. He loves to bestow His good favor on undeserving sinners who love Him. When I look to people and circumstances in my life to make me feel good they will inevitably disappoint me. When I depend on this world to define the character of God I end up with a false and disappointing version of the God of the Universe. Our view of things is just so skewed, our 'justice meters' too powerful to let grace do its work.
But God is other than we are. His nature is different, perfect. He is perfectly just but also perfectly full of grace. He doesn't operate exclusively in the seen realm. He is the author of a much grander reality known as the spiritual realm. In order to participate in this realm it requires faith in Jesus Christ. Faith is being sure of what you hope for and confident of what you do not yet see.
During my less than shining parenting moments (once my pride and emotions are in check) God speaks to my heart through the Holy Spirit. Lately, He keeps saying this:
Your children are not yet what they will be. And by the way Melissa, neither are you. Keep giving them to Me and trust Me. And keep giving me your own heart. Trust Me.
There is a song I love called My Redeemer Lives by Nicole C. Mullins. There are a few lines in the song that the Lord brings to my mind a lot when I'm feeling like a failure. She sings:
I know that I know that I know that I know that I know.
He lives.
Because He lives I can face tomorrow.
He lives.
I know, I know,
He lives.
I spoke with Him this morning!
He lives.
Because Jesus lives I can face today, and Lord willing, tomorrow and the day after that. I know that Jesus is sitting at the right hand of the Father interceding on my behalf and the behalf of my family. He's alive! He won. He conquered death and my sin. I know that God sees the full picture and knows the end of my story and the stories of my children.
Somehow though, I am so prone to forget this. I am quick to trust and pray in faith for others when they go through major trials, but I am slow to trust and pray in faith for myself when I struggle through seemingly mundane trials. My aggravating circumstance that just won't go away. The allergies that cause my child to suffer. My disobedient children. Never-ending laundry, meal planning, and housework. Attempting to keep my temper under control. Trying to keep my marriage vibrant. Managing the money that disappears too quickly. When I hold these situations back from God, I miss an opportunity to have my own faith story, however trivial it may seem.
Our pastor said recently that we see God most clearly in the moments when we need Him most desperately.
That statement forces me to think differently about the people and circumstances that unnerve me and make me desperate. None of them is wasted or in vain if I will turn to God in the midst of them. God loves me and wants me. He doesn't need me, He wants me. But He will not force me to love Him. That's the thing that makes God so unbelievably patient and merciful.
I can't count the number of times my husband or I have angrily and declaratively said to our children, "Oh no you won't. Not in our house." Yes they will. They just did. Just like they did last week and the week before. We like to throw our perceived power around through intimidation because in the moment it feels easier than patiently and calmly training our children by unemotionally rendering consequences. After all, we're offended. That offense produces anger and the anger causes us to act in irrational and unproductive ways.
The anger that we rouse in the Lord by our own disobedience is perfectly controlled by His love. He keeps pursuing, He is always ready to forgive and extend grace. He patiently allows circumstances to unfold and then He waits. At the fullness of time, at just the right moment He sent Christ to earth. Similarly, in a moment or hour that we do not know, at just the right time, He will come again. In the meantime, He perfectly maintains His love for even the vilest of sinners. He tells us to wait. Vengeance will come in His time to all those who refuse to repent and believe.
Down here in the waiting room God is weaving purpose into our trials and sufferings and even into our sin. You see, as I stumble through life I end up hating my sin. I despise it in fact. Just like Paul I scream, "Why do I do the things I don't want to do? And the very things I want to do, I don't do?" But God is here. He's always at work. What is He working on? Me. You. Anyone who is willing to seek Him. He even works through my sin. The more I hate my sin, the more I find myself loving my Savior. He is my Rescuer from myself! I begin to view my need not just as a theological concept, but a crystal clear reality in my life. My desperate need of Him helps me to see Him more clearly.
God wants to use the events in our lives--big and small--for our good and His glory. What may seem like impossibly irritating circumstances in disarray, are actually events and issues and problems intimately foreknown by God. Even embarrassing moments like my kids being rude and mean in public can be turned for good in the hand of our Father. All of us sin, but hopefully, as a believer, my response to my sin will set me apart from the world and be a reflection of the Lord's grace in my life. By God's grace I will let pride die and let humility reign in me. God is real and He has called me according to His purpose. My life is not arbitrary. And neither is yours.
I hope and pray that you will see more and more of the loving character of God this side of heaven. I pray you will know just how much God loves you and desires to turn all things in your life for your good and His glory.
You are not yet what you will be. And your circumstances are not yet what they will be. There is always hope. If you are losing it, take heart. Losing it could turn into the best thing that has ever happened to you. Go ahead. Lose your life for Christ's sake. You won't be disappointed.
"Whoever finds their life will lose it,
and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."
Matthew 10:39
"Faith is being sure of what you hope for and confident of what you do not yet see."
Hebrews 11:1
"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless,
Christ died for the ungodly."
Romans 5:6
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28
"And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
Romans 5:3-5
"Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with Me, and I will give to each person according to what they have done."
Revelation 22:12
"And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:13
If you would like to read the stories of Christians who have suffered greatly and yet maintained their faith in a good and loving God, you may click any of the links below.
May you dwell inspired as Christ dwells in you.
May you dwell inspired as Christ dwells in you.
The story of bible teacher, wife, and mother Kristen Sauder who died of cancer at the age of 45.
The story of quadriplegic Joni Erikson Tada (You can read some of her favorite quotes here.)
The story of lawyer and songwriter Horatio Spafford (who wrote "It Is Well With My Soul")
The story of widow Elisabeth Elliot whose husband, Jim Elliot, was martyred.
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